Restaurant Managers and their laptops … not a love story.

I used to never be able to enjoy a massage, yes it feels so good to have someone's hands rubbing essential oils all over your body, knocking all the knots out of your neck, peeling away at the many ailments and stresses that seem to take home in your upper back, or lower back or right thigh.  I always needed a good beating from a masseuse and a reason to shut off my mind and “treat yourself.”  But I could never relax, I always wondered whether the masseuse was ok, if their hands hurt, how many people they have before me or after me.  It turned into a weird relationship in my head, where I have to take care of them and make sure they aren't overworked, then you start thinking that your breathing is weird, then you have a weird tickle in your throat, then out of nowhere your stomach starts growling.  Basically getting a massage for me for the most part, does the opposite of relax me.  But holy cannoli I had a massage recently that blew my mind, I could actually relax and enjoy myself, I had to choose to turn my OCD mind off, but I think I could enjoy it because I worked from 1:30pm -3:30 am because we had a high profile buy out, I slept 4 hours.  Exhaustion.  Going to shvitz and get a massage  will always bring me the most amazing memories of starting as the new server at Dutchkills. I never heard of the east village bath house and it was “ their thing” to go steam, get ramen and then go work a bar shift.  I miss it so much, grungy ass East Village sweating, getting a beer and sitting on the roof.  

Enough nostalgia, I just had the first massage I could ever relax at, decided to keep the momentum up and take myself to lunch.  In this weird state of euphoria, and my skin feeling great, I walked into a restaurant on the bowery and no one was at the host stand, the bartender saw me and immediately waved and welcomed me in.  A woman in a grey blazer and slicked back hair and sweet smile does the quick “oh fuck im not at the door” shuffle to get to me and says I can sit anywhere at the bar that I like, I take the corner against the wall naturally.  

When I was 21 working in restaurants, management always confused me.  The bartenders are scary and you never go behind the bar, you say please and thank you, the maitre'd ran the door and you listened to them and then of course you had the senior servers who wouldn't even look at you, the bussers ad runners who had been there for ages and they were so much faster, stronger and knew the room better than you.  They also got special treats from the chefs because they made sure their food was taken care of.   Then there was the one server who was maybe 1 year older than you and befriended you, showed you the ropes and took you under their wing, but it was somewhat selfish, they needed a friend.  Then there were the managers, they were around when you were hired and when you were fired.  They were around for line up, pay check handouts, pouring themselves a big glass of red wine and eating their manager meal at one big table in the corner late night, while they collected everyone's check out reports and cash.  And of course they ALWAYS had a giant bottle of green pellegrino water, the fancy water we weren't allowed to even think about drinking.  Yet they opened multiple bottles a shift and never finished them and of course they never discarded them either, they lay like dead bodies on a battlefield around the restaurant.  We threw them out.  Also the coffee, they always had an americano or an espresso in their hand.  Must be nice.  They always looked angry, always seemed tired and stressed but I really never had any idea what they actually did at the restaurant other than be the “boss.”  They didn't sell wine, they didn't work service, they were just always around and would show up at the worst times and always tell you when you made a mistake or when you didn't meet their standards.  They also never knew anything about the bar, at all.  I’ve been thinking about this hard, I can't name one General Manager who really taught me anything, truly not one.  It's why I never wanted to be a manager, I didn't have anyone to look up to.  We didn't have great training manuals back then, we had service manuals about how we should move in the space and how to use the espresso machine, but for the most part we had to figure shit out ourselves and with the help of one or two people who had time to answer our questions.  I hate saying this, but Sweet Bitter is a very true recount of what it was like as a FOH person in the early 00’s.  

Back to my massage, I'm sitting in the corner bar stool, the best one, I have a drink coming, I’m texting with a friend about how tired but happy I am.  Directly in front of me is that maitre’d standing at the bar pass with her lap top open, face lit up blue, but she isn't the maitre'd , she's the manager.  This restaurant probably can't afford a maitre’d for day time service because it's not that busy, she's there tip tapping away and facing the door so she can see if a customer comes in. Seemingly the right thing to do, maybe she doesn't get an admin day, maybe working on a day off, it's a slow shift because of the snow, “ I have so much shit I have to get it done!!” 

Absolutely, fuking not. 

Enough with restaurant managers being on their lap top, during service hours in the view of customers and not only that they usually take up a bar stool.  The pandemic of managers thinking it's ok to be in full view of staff and guests during restaurant hours is so anti- hospitality and needs to end.  “ Oh wait let me peel myself away from my email ( to do my job) to check you into your reservation that you've had for 2 weeks and took you watching Resy or shitty ass Open Table like a hawk to get “ This is not Le Baratin in Paris, a magical restaurant ran by two individuals who do whatever they want, leave their chord phone and wait list, dirty glasses on the bar and cook whatever they want.  For most chefs this place is church.  They started it.  Plus it’s France.  This is New York and we need to stop the idea that the manager is so important and has so much work to do they are putting all their attention on their lap tops and service and the ACTUAL RESTAURANT isn't important.  This is the same manager who will scold a bartender for looking at a text while being on the floor.  But there they are at lunch (cuz I guess lunch service is lesser) tip tapping away, not paying attention to guests, staff, food or beverage.  

I could not enjoy my lunch.  Watching a bartender batch drinks, cut citrus or fold napkins makes the restaurant feel alive and real.  I don't want to eat lunch in an Apple store. I hate “ Admin work” . I love service, I love bars, I love restaurants.  I was just reminded of all that boring work I had to do because I'm literally watching someone in front of me doing it.  Please can we stop this.  

This may be a bigger issue of pay, time off, staffing, admin days, I don’t know.  But I don't understand people working in this business who don't like this business or working service.  These people don't care about food or wine or people or cocktails, do they care about their staff? I think it can go even deeper, these managers need to feel important, and being on a laptop seemingly so busy in a blazer makes them in their mind more important.  More valuable than someone peeling onions, sweeping the sidewalk, juicing limes or taking orders.  But I'm not a therapist.  

I just wanted to enjoy my lunch.