Is the white table cloth, slapping lipstick on a pig?

Around 12 years ago I had an idea for a bar, it was inspired by old school New York, think gold lamps with white shades on each table, a few carnations in a small vase, small round tables next to large round ones tucked into plush leather booths. I wanted Goodfellas, I wanted Breakfast at Tiffany’s, think mobster but not Italian. And the most important part was long white table cloths that hit the floor and beautifully folded napkins. I remember watching the movie Mask as a young girl, seeing Cameron Diaz in a tiny sparkly dress singing Gee baby ain’t I good to you and Jim Carey with his giant green face and yellow zoot suit fawning over her in every cartoonish way. I WANT TO OWN THAT CLUB!

Back then I told a few chefs about my table cloth dreams and they laughed at me, it was too retro and the laundry bills would be astronomical, that’s not for us or you. We deal with zinc, wood, metal, brass, we have nostalgia in a new way. I didn’t have any money to open a bar, it was just a pipe dream, but that table scape in my mind has always been very clear.

Now we are living in a “restaurant world,” where it seems every new place is shrouding their tables in white, looking for that old time elegance so that they can make rent by charging $70 for an entree and $26 for a martini. 😑

Listen I’m not hating, I had this dream too, but when I see beautiful professional photos of these restaurants with exquisite wine and dishes that took hours to prep and the fuking table cloth underneath is wrinkled, takes all the romance out. The fact that no owner or manager is noticing this detail screams laziness, lack of discipline and no attention to detail. What is happening with the rest of service or in the kitchen ???

It’s like going on a great first date and then realizing on the 2nd he’s a shmuck with no job and lives with his mother and a pile of old comic books.

As a restaurant owner, you spend all this time and couldn’t notice the simple detail of a crinkly, messy, pile of dirty laundry underneath your food and beverage? These are the same restaurants that, when a guest gets up to use the bathroom and leaves their napkin in a ball on their chair or table, a server will come up and fold said napkin and place it neatly next to their cutlery.

I’ve seen a lot of new restaurants open, they all have white table cloths. Listen you can hide some ugly tables underneath, you can burn a bunch of candles, turn the lights down low and spend money on custom matches. But you ain’t fooling me. I also don’t see “white table cloth service” either, I leave hungry and with $300 less in my bank account, wanting for the dream I was sold when making the reservation or reading a review.

Trends recycle every few years, I know this.

Restaurants are hard. Really hard. But maybe if we all just get our heads out of our asses and be true to ourselves we can create something that is real.

And for goddamn sake , just go on Amazon and buy a steamer and an iron, I’m sure your servers also need to steam their button down shirts too.