As.
Listen to Stevie Wonders - Joy inside my Tears
I stopped listening to a lot of podcasts years ago, they were once magical, all of these underground voices and opinions now with a platform, but now you can't have a podcast unless you have a camera crew and a makeup artist and a producer and are a Kardashian or Amy Poler. The NPR of it all is kind of gone, not kind of its gone, its gone. Not for us regular folks anymore.
But I’ve been listening to Las Culturistas almost since day one, they are in all sincerity the same people they were when they started the pod. Of course they are much more successful, older and wiser, but the thread and life blood of this pod still rings true and it's a joy in my life.
When Tina Fey told them to stop being so honest, I screamed “ NOOOO !!” on the M train, because they might be the only real thing we have left in pop culture, even if they don't share everything with their fans. Their hearts are on their sleeves, and everyone is just trying too hard.
One of my favorite parts about Las Cultch is when they ask their guests “ What was the culture that made you say culture was for you” and this question always hit me so hard, because - no im not in show biz, but honey, let me tell you I am.
What is the Culture that made me say , culture is for me?
Its music, turned into movies, turned into tv, turned into books. I would love to say I was a kid who sat outside under a tree reading books, but I wasn't. I was the kid running around on all fours, barking at their neighbors pretending to be a dog, because I had too big an imagination. I was Dorothy, Audrey Hepburn, the Spice girls, all the best parts of the 90’s. But when we were allowed to listen to music or watch a movie it changed everything and imprinted into my life blood. I grew up very religious but it didn't stop art and real emotion from seeping in and being the most important part of my life. We were a Beatles family, I knew / know every word, to every Beatles song by the time I was 10 and I am not kidding. My brother and I could sing each album from start to finish, with every drum embellishment, to guitar riff, to weird note and harmony like it was a religion, a religion we were taught but accepted on our own accord and still practice.
When I was in fourth grade I said my favorite song was Serpentine Fire by Earth Wind and Fire and my favorite food was blue cheese and liverwurst, no one got me, maybe they still don't.
The true thing that bound my mother, brother and I together was the first iteration of making a “mix tape.” My mom had a double tape player/ record player combo unit we all loved and enjoyed and were never allowed to touch. It was on a top glass shelf and was a music shrine my older brother and I worshiped. When we could make a tape it was a HUGE DEAL! April, aka my mom would take out a white blank cassette tape and write with a sharpie, Sarah’s Mix # 1 or whatever. My brother and I had to have our set lists picked out ahead of time because we could not share songs. I don't know why my mom made this rule, some grown up bullshit rule to make siblings quarrel. April would rummage deep inside a dark closet, to pull out a heavy brown box of colored vinyl record sleeves and we would have a hay day. Ever see the movie Almost Famous? When William gets the records from his sister under his bed and strokes every new album and admires their art, studying every inch of lettering and picture, that was me and my brother. It was like we grew a stretch arm strong arm and got to reach into the coolest decade, into our normally very closed off mothers heart and mind and listen to the best tunes we have ever heard, trying to understand who she and our distant dad was. And who we were.
I hate therapy, I know I'm not supposed to say that. “ I love it and it changed my life, I am mentally unwell….I’m so grateful” but I fuking hate therapy. Having a platform to talk about mental health in a normal way is amazing.
I see it as a 6 year old kid who doesn't want to eat their vegetables. I don't necessarily like “ Therapy Culture.” It takes up so much time, I hate talking about myself, I dont ever trust my therapists, they are either too young or too old, or too straight or too queer or too expensive or too cheap or they just want to fuck me or i want to fuck them. I know it's a muscle I need to flex, but working out sucks. Also my hatred for shrinks comes from all the doctors that doped my dad up and let his addiction of prescription pills last decades and ruin my family, but I guess that gets lumped into the opioid crisis. I say on a daily basis “ I am unwell” and guess what, I can also say I hate therapy and some of it is bullshit.
After we laid out all the records in order of the track list we set up our own music studio. The very heaaavy buttons that plunked and snapped when you pushed them down at the same time ( play and record) so hard that you knew something in there was working. Then the whirring noise of the tape, then there was the delicate dropping of the needle on the record to complete the start, then painstakingly waiting for the song to end to hit stop on the tape at the exact correct time. The smell of this … I wish it could be a candle, i wish i could have it forever.
My brother and I would fight constantly growing up, we were 4 years apart so of course that's just a regular. But we would fight tooth and nail over the songs we got to take from Mom and Dad’s records for our mix tapes. One song we never fought over was a Stevie Wonder Song, off the album, Songs in the key of Life, called As. I was always drawn to it, its mystical lyrics, heavy bing bong of the keyboards and humming of a choir. When Stevie changes his voice on the bridge it was like going to church. It's a song that has followed me all my life and for some reason on this Sunday it reminded me of making mix tapes with my family. And reminded me that this is “The culture that made me say culture was for me.”
As- Stevie Wonder
As around the sun the earth knows she's revolving
And the rosebuds know to bloom in early may
Just as hate knows love's the cure
You can rest your mind assure
That I'll be loving you always
As now can't reveal the mystery of tomorrow
But in passing will grow older every day
Just as all that's born is new
You know what I say is true
That I'll be loving you always
always
(Until the ocean covers every mountain high) always
(Until the dolphin flies and parrots live at sea) always
(Until we dream of life and life becomes a dream)
Did you know that true love asks for nothing
Her acceptance is the way we pay
Did you know that life has given love a guarantee
To last through forever and another day
Just as time knew to move on since the beginning
And the seasons know exactly when to change
Just as kindness knows no shame
Know through all your joy and pain
That I'll be loving you always
As today I know I'm living but tomorrow
Could make me the past but that I mustn't fear
For I'll know deep in my mind
The love of me I've left behind
'Cause I'll be loving you always
always
(Until the trees and seas just up and fly away) always
(Until the day that eight times eight times eight is four) always
(Until the day that is the day that are no more)
Did you know you're loved by somebody?
(Until the day the earth starts turnin' right to left) always
(Until the earth just for the sun denies itself) I'll be lovin' you forever
(Until dear mother nature says her work is through) always
(Until the day that you are me and I am you) always
(Until the rainbow burns the stars out in the sky)
Until the ocean severs every mountain high) always
We all know sometimes life hates and troubles
Can make you wish you were born in another time and space
But you can bet your lifetimes that and twice it's double
That god knew exactly where he wanted you to be placed
So make sure when you say you're in it, but not of it
You're not helpin' to make this earth
A place sometimes called hell
Change your words into truths
And then change that truth into love
And maybe our children's grandchildren
And their great grandchildren will tell
I'll be loving you
Until the rainbow burns the stars out in the sky
Loving you
Until the ocean covers every mountain high
Loving you
Until the dolphin flies and parrots live at sea
Loving you
Until we dream of life and life becomes a dream
Be loving you
Until the day is night and night becomes the day
Loving you
Until the trees and seas up, up and fly away
Loving you
Until the day that eight times eight times eight is four
Loving you
Until the day that is the day that are no more
Loving you
Until the day the earth starts turning right to left
Be loving you
Until the earth just for the sun denies itself
Loving you
Until dear mother nature says her work is through
Loving you
Until the day that you are me and I am you
Now ain't that loving you
(Until the rainbow burns the stars out in the sky) Ain't that loving you
(Until the ocean covers every mountain high) and I've got to say always
(Until the dolphin flies and parrots live at sea) always
(Until we dream of life and life becomes a dream)
(Until the day is night and night becomes the day) always
(Until the trees and seas just up and fly away) always
(Until the day that eight times eight times eight is four)
(Until the day that is the day that are no more) always
(Until the day the earth starts turning right to left)
(Until the earth just for the sun denies itself) always
(Until dear mother nature says her work is through)
(Until the day that you are me and I am you)
(Until the rainbow burns the stars out in the sky)
(Until the ocean covers every mountain high)
(Until the dolphin flies and parrots live at sea)
(Until we dream of life and life becomes a dream)
(Until the day is night and night becomes the day)
(Until the trees and seas just up and fly away)
(Until the day that eight times eight times eight is four)
(Until the day that is the day that are no more)
(Until the day the earth starts turning right to left)
(Until the earth just for the sun denies itself)
(Until dear mother nature says her work is through)
(Until the day that you are me and I am you)